bad day .

i'm watching a show about a guy with foot fetishes right now , lmfao .
i don't know a lot about blogs or what your supposed to do with them but i'm gonna use it as a journal . soooo , i need to talk about my life right now .
to break down my family :
i havent talked to my dad in a little over a year . he's just a really bad guy , and when i started to become my own person and he wasn't down for it , that relationship ended real quick .
my mom and me don't talk either , but i live with her . she gives me a place to stay , she buys me food and gives me 200 dollars a month from the child support my dad pays , so i can buy everything i need . in three years , i'm leaving and we won't have a relationship anymore .
my oldest sister is from my dad's first marriage . shes like thirty , shes a compulsive liar , she's got three kids by different dads , and shes broke . not that i'm judging her , i'm sure i'll be alot like her when i'm her age . but i know how to use birth control .
the other sister is from my dad's first marriage to . shes got a kid and she's with the baby daddy , and they've both got jobs but shes a bitch .
my moms boyfriend lives with us , he's ight .
my stepmom , who i never had a relationship with , is the biggest bitch i've ever met , she's the reason i grew up with an attitude problem , and she's the reason i can lie so good . (: but i don't wanna talk about her or my dad , or the life i had with them .
my life started at the beginning of eighth grade , when i idolized some people who i didn't even know . i had to be friends with them , and i got what i wanted and they totally changed everything . it started with one thing , and that ld to another , and that led to another and before i knew it i was in to stuff that i couldn't even name a year ago . i got expelled at the beginning of of it all because of snitches . fuck that shit haha , but i got sent to an acadamy with some people who became my best friends . these people that i knew , i became closer with them then what i thought was even possible , i loved them more then a mom loves her kids , and they loved me to . maybe it was the drugs , but me and these people i knew were soul mates . it hurts my heart so much when i think about them , thats why i'm hoping that writing this will help some of that pain .
i don't tell people it hurts tho , know one can imagine how much it fucking hurts . i'm young , so i'm underestimated . i'm not the smartest girl in the world so people think i don't have scars on my heart .
ive got a lot of memories with these people i knew , like hundreds . i'll probably write about them later . but basically , heres the phases of my life so far :
elementary school , geek .
middle school , loser > "pregnant" chick > druggie
summer after junior high > partier .
then i moved , and now its been four months , i still talk to my girls from my old place sometimes , but it hurts every time . i barely have any friends here , i hang out with people sometimes and ive had one boyfriend . but i'm not close wth anyone , and the boy turned out to be a stalker . the kind of relationships i was used to , with my "white trash" family , don't exist here . people don't love eachother like they should , they don't become so close that they can litterally imagine taking a bullett for eachother . i'm not used to that and i dont like it . i know what its like now to be alone and i've promised myself alot in the past four months that when i'm old enough to leave , i'll never let my life get this lonely again . i was completely oblivious during my parting days how amazing my life was .